It was March 2000. We had spent the end of 1999 preparing for the catastrophic Y2K tech crash that the change of year was going to bring – but never did. Our business was multimedia, digital marketing and internet support. The Y2K saga had brought a LOT of clients a LOT of stress. Potential website crashes, database deletions, everything that was computer based was in store for a HUGE meltdown just as the year date changed…. you remember the hype around the whole I’m sure. Well nothing happened.

I was a Successful Female entrepreneur in the technology sector. We were turning over just short of ¼ million. I went after everything to grow the business, new technologies, ideas, contracts. I travelled a fair bit and drew a lot of attention to the business and the industry we were working in: I was a role model for Scottish Enterprise in promoting women in business, was a keynote speaker and taught Digital Marketing Tools and Solutions to established businesses. BUT: Somatic disconnection had me sick and stuck.

It was a dream life; but I was not happy.

The business was supposed to allow us more freedom, time with our 2 kids, home, travel, enjoyment, to live life.

But in reality, it wasn’t doing any of that.

Someone else was looking after my kids, we lived off takeaway and restaurant food. We had no LIFE outside the business.

We talked about selling the business so I could do something I loved, even though at that moment I wasn’t sure what that was..

I went for a routine smear test.

I got the call back – abnormal cells.

The next few months were a blur of various hospital visits, inconclusive tests and trying to keep myself positive.

Meanwhile life was a process of just keeping on going. I’d put weight on over the past year or so, I’d stopped exercising or doing sport, something that had always been part of my life until these past few years.

My body was tired, sore and evidently out of balance. When had I stopped listening to my body?

I was suffering from food intolerances, irritable bowel syndrome, mood swings, depression, anxiety, insomnia, fatigue and something else that we weren’t getting answers to, just more tests, probing and consistent bleeding. Yep like having your period kinda bleeding, but for week, after week, after week. How could I be in this state at just 27?

I eventually had a procedure which the doctors told me could affect the possibility of having more children but it would give the doctors clear biopsy material to work with.

I was told 3 months after the call of abnormal cells from my smear test and after 10 weeks of bleeding every day that I didn’t have cancer, but that I did have a viral infection and resulting inflammation in my womb and cervix, both of which were treatable.

I collapsed.

I’d had enough of getting on with life every day, just because. During the past 3 months in the background, we had been getting the business assessed to sell it so we could move on. The consultants we had hired to do this basically told me that the business was me, even though we had a team and they did the work so the money kept coming in, what held it all together was me, what made the business stand out was me and really anyone in the market to buy the business would see that and want me too.

I wasn’t for sale.

By now I was low, even though I’d been given this amazing news about my health, it didn’t make me feel better, or show me how to get out of the deep hole I felt I was at the bottom of.

We closed the business. Got staff rehired where possible, gave clients their data and work back and closed the doors.

We had no income, no plan.

I felt really let down by my husband, this was OUR business, we had gone into this together in 1998 and whilst I was dealing with my health issues he didn’t step up. He didn’t lead from the front, that was what was supposed to happen, wasn’t it? Now I can look back and see what he was going through in all of this and he too was broken and had nothing left to give.

We arranged to hand the keys to our home back to the bank, I registered us as homeless with the local council and waited for news of a house to become available. We had 30 days to be out of our home which was now in the process of repossession.

I remember sitting across the desk from the housing association staff completing the forms, they were so lovely when I was telling them why I was there, what had happened. At that moment it was a therapy session as well as a form filling out exercise… I felt seen and heard for the first time in months.

We were assigned a house, it was a new build and it was ours. We just had to furnish it and put flooring, add an oven and fridge freezer. It was cold enough outside for us to not worry too much about a fridge for the first week, we hung food from a bag on the kitchen window. I actually don’t remember how we got the fridge freezer, I think we maybe got a grant from the council to buy it. We had a gas barbecue that we used to cook for the first few weeks till we managed to get an oven. Little by little we put flooring and carpets down. We added furniture little by little.

We were starting again but it felt good, light.

Until the financial stuff started to bite at our heels. We lived in fear of the bailiffs coming to the door and removing our belongings due to the house and business debts we had left behind us. Bankruptcy was our only option at this point so we filed the papers and all our affairs in the hands of a professional. We were free, but the stress, the shadow stayed over us for several years. No credit, earnings being ferreted away to pay off old debts of a life we no longer lived anything even remotely close to.

I felt ashamed, I withdrew from anyone I had been in business with. I couldn’t drive through the commercial areas of Glasgow where I had spent so much time over the previous years. It made me feel physically sick even going past it on the motorway.

I redirected my attention to my daughters and me. My youngest had during all this been diagnosed with a genetic condition but that’s another branch of the story for another day.

I was 27 where did I go from here?

My health needed to be looked at. I went back to what I knew, my body, moving it, caring for it.

I centred myself in my Judo and training, nutrition. Took time to feel into what I was feeling. I took control of my body and studied everything I could about how it works, how it needs to be fuelled for health, how to move it correctly. This was my love, my passion, my DON.

I spent the following 20 years travelling my path as a health, wellness and fitness professional. I have certificates coming out of my ears and a head full of information I may never get to share fully But I felt good, strong, accomplished. Sports therapist, fitness professional, wellness expert, posture correction specialist. I was busy, successful and .. happy?

Something was still missing, I had a nagging feeling.. I had started to explore the emotional connection in the body. Part of my degree studies had led me to performance psychology and how the mind and body connect, the effects of mental imagery on injury recovery, the effect of music and vibration in motivation and performance. I saw in my clients daily how their emotions affected their bodies.

I geeked out, even more.

I studied EFT and NLP, Reiki and energy work, I looked into past life work. I just GOT this stuff, it all made so much sense. I started to work on myself, uncover my shadows… I found myself feeling emotionally unbalanced but instead of reaching out for help, I closed the lid on the box. That was safer!

I was accepted to do a Masters Degree in Performance Psychology in Edinburgh Uni. But I got scared. Who did I think I was to be getting a masters degree in psychology?!?! I did not do my Masters in Psychology!

We left Scotland in 2008 and moved to Tenerife the 4 of us.. to start again. I sold parts of my business this time, client lists, equipment, existing activities and just left it all behind to move over 3000 miles and start a new life living in the sun. Since then much has happened. I split from my chidhood sweetheart and found myself in anither relationship very shortly afterwards. I’ve lived experiences that I never imagined I would find myself in, both good and bad, but again more words for another day.

But it’s been a time of life where I have grown into me, my reason for being here.

I’ve covered so much in my healing journey to be where I am now. To help others do the same, heal. To shine light into the dark spaces, if needs be, sit with them and teach them tools to make shifts towards the lightness and joy in life that is available to them

I speak the language of the physical and emotional, I understand the dark spaces and I help people translate what their body is telling them, together we untangle and rewire the electrical connections between mind and body where old belief patterns and habits have them stuck in cycles that do not let them reach a consistent state of feeling happy and fulfilled in their life.

How did I get here?

I came back to my body. I learnt how to listen, love and treat her well. I followed the signs my body gave me and the inner guidance I received to connect the dots of how my body held trauma I didn’t even remember experiencing as well as how it had held onto things that maybe wouldn’t hit the radar as trauma but that triggered a whole set of thoughts, beliefs and behaviours in me that were detrimental to health and living a happy life.

That’s how I can help you too.

To come back to you, to listen to your inner guidance system, to learn how to navigate your body and emotions to be truly happy and at peace in the body you have and the life you live.

Becoming You – Integrate and Thrive is my 3 month package where we work together to close the gap between where you are now and where you want to be. We work together so you can stand in your power and integrate your values, beliefs and new patterns into your current life and relationships. Message me to chat about how this can fit into your life, to truly change gears and move from ‘comfortable discomfort’ to the life you really, really want!

Let me leave you with this question.. Where will you be in 6 months if nothing changes?