“Yesterday was a shit day. We all have them every now and again, right. I used to have a lot of them!

So I know how to pull myself out when I’m ready to.

But yesterday was a really shit day. In the actual day..it wasn’t, really that bad, I suppose. It was all the subconscious stress, anger, resentment that got triggered by events during the day.

We had boys paperwork to do, usually a relatively easy thing to do. Except when they want both parents there. Even with the court paperwork we had, it wasn’t enough. So off to court we went to ask for a piece of paper.

No it wasn’t THAT easy. 3 trips to court later, one triggered little boy after entering the court building. The last time they saw their father (from a distance) was there but they had been there various times before and they just want to leave that part of life behind now.

Another police trip and we still didn’t have the ‘piece of paper’ we needed.

So the morning plans of me training and doing nice stuff together all out the window. In the larger scale of things it wasn’t a terrible day but it was a day dealing with a shadow from the past, a shadow that beurocracy doesn’t make it easy yo shake off. It is still there and occasionally drops down onto our life. Hopefully not for much longer.

I arrived home lower than I’ve been in a long time.

And logic told me… it will all work out, there is a learning curve in this, if you couldn’t handle it you wouldn’t have been dealt it, everything happens for a reason….and ALL the other logical postive blurb.. but logic will NEVER overcome emotion!

But the dark stuff had to come out.. I journalled.. yes scribbling horrible words and emotions in large letters on a piece if paper is considered journalling 

I wrote down deep dark negative thoughts that came into my head. I breathed. I stretched. Hubby took me to the gym, he tried to get me to go to BJJ but I wasn’t for doing people up close yesterday.

I did some work in my tech stuff.

I cooked a meal for my family.

I slept.

Today, I’m here sharing this.

Today is a day full of clients and activity but I will be claiming the moments in between to just be. I have organised a TRE session for myself tonight.

Today, I’m going to make some alone time with the boys to work through what they felt yesterday. What pops up is shouting to be healed, so we will do that.

We all have days that we ask what’s the point, I’ll just give up, get another job, run away, leave the country. Or whatever your ‘escape’ plan might me.

I’m not saying it isn’t always right to look at making changes if you 100% aren’t happy with how you are living life.

I had 2 things demonstrated to me yesterday.

My kids need some more specific work done to help them process some stuff.

My subconscious stress was more than I thought I was living with, I didn’t sleep well for 3 nights up until the paperwork date. 

Ok 3…

I need a different legal counsel! If only they would let me represent myself here 

I’m taking some of my own medicine and being kind to myself and doing what is important to me today. I’ve still got some important things to sort out so I won’t be completely off grid but presence in the moment and just being, is a top priority today.

Don’t beat yourself up for having a shit day, especially when circumstances are out of your control and don’t ever think that logic will win over emotion, it won’t! The emotions need time and space to be heard, felt and seen.

Only then can we heal. One step at a time.

Jx